Lost...

Again, a long time.  I should be better.  I just got my heart shattered again.  The sad thing is I saw it coming and I just stood right there in the middle of the road and let it run me down.  But really, what's the alternative?  Run?  Hide?  Is hiding from the world better than being run down and shattered?  I don't think so.  You have to open up and love to be whole.  No matter how many people try to break you.  Happy Valentine's Day.  Remember to love the people that treat you right :-)

Lost In Translation

I Placed my lunch order over the phone.  "A child's plate."  "With the chicken burrito."  You know how when you're talking to someone and it's definitely getting lost in translation?  So I show up to pick up my lunch and of course it's the full size chicken burrito plate.  Way too much food for me which is why I order the children's plate.  The person trying to ring up the order was not the person that screwed it up, so of course she was trying to figure out what went wrong and had to go talk to order-taking girl.  Order taking girl proceeded to tell cashier girl, in Spanish,  which I'm sure she thought I couldn't understand, that I was stupid and didn't know what I'd ordered.  I proceeded to inform her, in English, that I knew exactly what I'd ordered and if she called me stupid again she better come out from behind that counter to do it.  The cooks laughed out loud.  Pretty sure I can't eat there for a while or she will put special seasoning on my burrito.  :-)

Right lane ends...

...exit only.  That's what the sign says.  The sign does NOT say, "By all means continue driving as if nothing is changing."  The sign DOES NOT say, "The person driving next to you will slam on their brakes to let you over at the last possible second because you are an ignorant, illiterate douche bag."  Go ahead.  Flip me off.  Fuck you right back.  I hope you eat guardrail.

Hiatus Over

Shit, did I spell hiatus right?  I must have, no red, squiggly line.  I'm good.

I think I'm back to my normal self (if I've ever actually been "normal" that is) and may have some newly funny things to say.

Namaste.  Never really knew what the word meant.  Just always figured it was some hippy-dippy love/peace thing.  All loving...that kind of crap.  I just found out it literally means, "I bow to you."  Seriously? I really like most people most of the time, but bow to them?  Not so much.  Why can't people say what they mean?  In English, not some word you borrowed for a day to make you sound kinder and gentler.  If I see one more person with a Namaste bumper sticker cut me off in traffic I'm calling them the fuck out.  I bow to you my ass.  Practice what you bow to.

Peace and love :-)

Hey you!! Yeah, you. The one with the headlights...

...the ones that blind me.  You know who you are.  The guy with the sit down to pee SUV that will never turn a wheel off of pavement.  The mom with the $45, 000 minivan that will never leave the metro area.  The guy with the fancy European sports car that will never, I repeat NEVER be driven on the Autobahn.  YOU DO NOT NEED THESE ANNOYING HEADLIGHTS!!!!    The ones that blind everyone else on the highway.  You do not need these headlights because, now listen carefully, you will never drive your car where there are no street lights.  You will always be able to see because my tax dollars pay for these great big overhead lights...everywhere you will ever drive. 

And to all the kids that think installing these lights on your little POS Hondas and VW's makes you look cool?  Think again.  All it makes me think is that you are too stupid to spend your money where it really matters.  Like on body work.  Or fenders that are all the same color.

College degrees

I'm just going to throw this out there.  A college degree does not make you smarter than I am.  All a college degree says to me is you have specialized knowledge in one particular subject.  That piece of paper does not make you any better than me....or the waitress who brings your food, the clerk who rings up your groceries or the person that serves you your ridiculous $18 martinis.  I believe that having an adequate amount of knowledge in many areas would be much more useful than paper.  Remember that the next time you have to call someone like me to help you fix the outlet in your bathroom, fix your dryer, install a garbage disposal or lay new tile in your bathroom.  Looking down your nose at people because you have a pretty piece of paper hanging on your wall is pure arrogance.  The sad part is you will never see it because when you look down your nose all the time your field of vision becomes severely limited.

???

So, I heard on the radio that the "Occupy Portland" f*$#s are planning a day to disrupt Trimet. Why, you ask? Well, apparently public transportation is a "basic human right". Seriously, that's what they said. The last time I checked the basic rights that every American had were, and I quote, "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." You know, from the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!!! It doesn't say anything about public transportation you ignorant fucks. (Sorry if I offend, I didn't feel like disguising my honest opinion this time.) So go. Pursue. But stop trying to turn everything that you don't have into a "right". Basically you're saying that if you don't have "it" (whatever the focus of the day is) that it is someone else's job to provide it to you. I call bullshit. If you want it, go get it. Get on your bike or your skateboard and go get it. But stop disrupting the rest of it while you do it.

To Twitter or Not To Twitter....

My brain goes about 102MPH all the time. There is always some random observation or thought flying through. And I say through because just about the time I recognize the value of what I was thinking, that thought is shoved out of my brain for some more randomness. I thought at first that Facebook would be an outlet for some of the funnier observations, but then realized I did not want to be one of "those people". The ones who post 14 times a day, starting with what they had for breakfast and moving on from there. So then I thought I should get a Twitter account. Then should I link the Twitter to my Facebook? Why not just post the s@!t on Facecrack? Right back to square one. I think I'm funny and have thoughts that other people may be interested in, but I have been very wrong about this in the past.

So, long story short I will just keep writing here with the randomness and leave FB and Twitter to the experts. I had some funny stuff to write when I started this post but I forgot them all. Peace.

Bahahahaha....

Was just on PDX Mugshots and some chick who got nailed for prostitution has the last name of Woody. People who live in glass houses and all...but that's funny.

What A Week....

This week? Not one of my finest. I dumped my first pallet while driving the forklift...after I had just backed said forklift into the mixer table. Nothing like hitting a large metal table with another large metal object. The very large resulting, "Ka-TANGGGGG!!! insured that everyone in the warehouse was already looking at me when I proceeded to dump the load. Fabulous.

You would think that this would be plenty to complete the crappy portion of my week, but wait, there's more. Today I was being super careful on the forklift. Driving slow, no sharp turns when I was bringing in pallets. I was on the older forklift. The one with no brakes. The one where you have to anchor the brake pedal and it still takes three feet to come to a complete stop. So, at some point I get back on the new forklift. I'm moving a pallet to the back of the warehouse when my boss comes out of the office and flags me down. Wanting to not have a repeat of crying day (which was part of my crappy week that didn't need to be re-lived) I was anxious to make sure I stopped and found out what he had to say. The brakes on this forklift work. Really well. Well enough that when I anchored the brake pedal because I was still in old forklift mode, I stopped on a dime to watch my load continue forward aproximately another six feet. Awesome.

I still like my job but I'm betting I won't be allowed to drive the forklifts for awhile.