Barn Bash 2010

Well, we didn't go down and camp like we usually do. The "kids" did though and it was quite entertaining watching them load, unload, load, unload and finally load the truck so everything fit. J and I went down on Sunday which is the "party day". The kids had gone down on Friday so everything was set up and all the work was done. It was awesome. All I had to do was eat, drink beer, listen to the band and dance.

The very first thing I did when I got there was to pull all the tent stakes on both my kids' tents so they completely collapsed. They were busy yelling at each other for doing it until finally they realized that was impossible for both of their tents to come down at the exact same time. I suppose my giggling may have given it away.

As usual however I did consume my fair share of beer and tried to wrestle quite a few people. Me trying to wrestle 250 pounds of BC in the backseat of my Accord as EC was driving down the ranch driveway was probably the best though. Best because there was a poor, uninitiated, innocent other passenger in the backseat as well. There are marks on my headliner made by my boots, which of course were covered in mud and horseshit. There goes the Blue Book value :P Oh, and BC is a dirty wrestler, he pinches...I have the bruises to prove it. Although in all fairness he has a pretty nasty scratch behind his ear, you know, where I tried to rip it off of his head. I knocked Bobby off the cooler because I wanted another beer. And then realized I had pushed him off the food cooler. My bad.

I took pictures of the beautiful wild iris. Mike White's band was excellent as usual. I drank and danced and ate the kids food. They went to town and spent my money on more liquor and beer. All was well and right at Barn Bash this year, and to all a good night....

Time Flies.....

Have gone to a couple of little kids T-Ball games over the past two weeks. Had quite a few good laughs...I had managed to forget about the nose pickers, flower pickers, dirt throwers and butt pickers. The kid that sommersaults across home plate. The bat throwers and the cry babies. The, "I Got To Second Base" Happy Dance. That was the best. There are pictures of course, but it's a sequence of 9 pictures and they don't all want to upload. One picture would simply not do it justice.

I guess I should just come out and admit that there is a little part of me that misses the picking, throwing, crying and dancing from my kids. After watching them play high school athletics, the T-Ball and Farm days of Little League sort of fade into the distance. Those days shouldn't fade. Watching B hit baseballs past the foul poles at age 8, when they didn't set up fences yet because, "Eight and nine year-olds can't hit the ball that far." I have a china cabinet full of Little League home run balls that begs to differ. Rembering B throw a 5 pitch, 3 out inning. One of the outs was a strike out. Watching E break a girls nose at home plate because when she laid down the tag the runner didn't slide correctly and E hit her in the face. Being on the Alpenrose Fields and having E blast a ball all the way to the right field fence...at age 12...maybe 13. 13 I think. Having an opposing teams runner round third, being sent home by her base coach, only to stop half way down the base path, return to third base and inform her coach, "I'm not going home on her, she hurts people." when E stood up at the plate and threw off her mask.

To all of my friends that are just starting their parenting adventures, enjoy freezing your ass off at your kids sporting events. Enjoy the ear shattering band performances, the pee pee dance ballet recitals and the wrong way run touchdown that your son "scores". It may seem excruciating now, but it is so worth it in the end. I'm glad a simple T-Ball game could remind me of that.

It's Been A While...

Judge not, lest ye be judged. I don't even know where this is in the Bible but I've always tried to keep it somewhere in my thoughts. Everyone in my life knows I am not perfect, that I have done things that I am ashamed of or embarrassed about. But I have always tried to own up to these things, apologize when appropriate, change my behavior and move on. I've learned to say, "I'm sorry." and really mean it. To change my behavior so that I don't make the same mistake again. I have learned not to hold a grudge or "hate" people. When you do that the only person you poison is yourself. I just find it strange that the people that preach these same things don't practice them and I am some sort of monster in their eyes. We have all done things that we are not proud of and yet I have become an outcast and an example of what not to do. It's as if I'm the only person that has ever said something to regret, done something wrong, gossiped, stolen or lied. Make me the pariah if you want to, but if you look inside yourself you know that you have no right to pass judgement on me. I am still trying to make up for some of the wrongs that I have done. Some of them I will never be able to make up for and I will have to live with that forever. The people that judge me have no idea how I truly feel in my heart. They are entitled to their feelings of anger, judgement and resentment but I feel an amount of comfort knowing that the only person I have to truly answer to right now is the one I face in the mirror every morning. Some mornings are better than others, but at least I am trying to be better and not busy wasting my time judging and belittling everyone around me.

No Matter How Bad You Have It Someone Else Has It Worse...

For various reasons I have been doing a lot of worrying lately. I'm not even sure worrying is the right word, but I can't think of a better one. A lot of self-assessment if you will. I did something bad and stupid and will soon be paying dearly, but the people that will really be paying are my family. Anyway during all this worrying and self-assessment, I was watching the news last night and saw a story that makes mine pale in comparison.

I don't know who saw the reports of the Clackamas County Sheriff's Deputy that shot his wife, her friend and then killed himself, but I knew him I a very round about way. One of his sons was/is friends with my nephew. They went to school and played sports together. So I also knew the son in a round about way, but it still hits a little too close to home. Four kids are now without their parents and have to live with the trauma of this for the rest of their lives. I say kids, they are 23, 21, 19......but there is a much younger brother also. Maybe 10 or 12 years old. My heart just bleeds for him. I know that there will be plenty of people to support all of the kids, but I also know that when a child loses someone that close to them, that they never really recover.

It's just God's way of telling me that no matter how bad I have it, I need to stop worrying about myself and know that there is always someone else that has a much harder road to travel.

Going Back To High School

Well, I did it. Something I said I would never, ever do. Not even for a million dollars. I went back to high school. I shadowed B for a week to see what all was going on. Talk about a sociology experiment....good God! Two hours in that place and I wanted to punch people in the hallways. I got run into constantly and shoved around...try to move 1600 kids from one place to another and do it in 5 minutes with no bumping or shoving. Not going to happen. But God forbid B should make contact with anybody, because we all know that he, out of 1600 kids, did it on purpose.

There were teachers (and I use that term loosely) that had no business anywhere near anyones kids. There were teachers that tried so hard to get through to these kids that it was almost painful to watch, you know, the ones that actually give a shit.

I have even more empathy for teenagers than I did before, simply due to the fact that the 23 years I have been out of school have somewhat dulled the contempt I had for the whole experience. That contempt came back with a vengance like I never thought possible. A good portion of the adults (and I use that term really loosely) treat these kids like they aren't real human beings simply because they haven't reached the age of majority. I know this for a fact because due to my size I blend right into a high school student body. I got reprimanded/yelled at in the snottiest tone of voice I've heard in a long time. That bitch totally changed her tune when she realized I was an adult and I turned around, got in her face and told her I would say whatever I wanted to say, in any tone of voice I chose to say it in and there wasn't anything she could do to change that fact. She just ran and hid in her classroom. Whore. I've always gone with the theory that you treat anyone and everyone with respect regardless of age or anything else, until they give you a reason not to respect them. I don't care if the person in question is 5 or 75.

Then there is the fact that all public education does is create sheep out of 90% of these kids. Follow the rules, don't question authority...don't question anything. Don't challenge a teacher even if you know they are wrong. You lose all of your Constitutional rights the second you crest the door of a public school in this state. Don't say anything that may be deemed offensive. Don't wear a t-shirt or button or have a sticker that says something that might offend someone. Who decides what's fucking offensive? What's offensive to one person may not be to someone else. What is it about schools that makes them think that they are autonomous from the Constitution. Who gave them the right to self govern? You are not allowed to speak an opinion, or even a thought if it could possibly offend someone. These adults are teaching our kids not to be independent thinkers. There were a few of B's teachers that did not fall under this description....well, actually only one that I can think of off of the top my head. (Mr. M, you rock.) I seriously made it a point to say the word fuck in front of every teacher that I thought was an asshole. What the fuck are they going to do to me? Suspend me? Try it, I fucking dare you. Oh and speaking of suspension, I got to spend the week in lunch detention with B because he called some kid an asshole. Seriously, detention. For calling someone an asshole. I say call an asshole an asshole.

The majority of these educators are educating our kids into a false sense of security. What are these kids going to do when they get out of school, get a job and one day on the way to work someone calls them a fat ass, or fag, or pussy, or asshole. What's going to happen when they don't have a vice-principal to run to to tattle that someone called them a name? What are they going to do if they see a bumper sticker that offends them? Call 911? These people for the majority are doing the youth of America a huge disservice by letting them believe that no one in this world will ever hurt their feelings, or that they will never see anything that offends them.

I personally find it offensive that there can be a Gay/Lesbian Alliance Club, a club for African Americans, Native Americans, Chinese Americans, Mexican (oh, my bad, Hispanic) Americans, and just about everything else you can think of, but God forbid if there was a club only for white kids that were tired of all the bullshit. That would be racist. Aren't we all just plain Americans? Whatever happened to that thought process?

Oh, I forgot. You can't have a thought, you must be a sheep. Go to the classes they tell you to, even the ones you have absolutely no interest in. The Republic of Oregon says you must or there is no possible way that you could turn out to be a decent human being. You must have a full credit of Art for that to be possible.

I believe Albert Einstein said it best when he said, "It is a miracle that curiousity survives formal education."

Welcome 2010

If you're eating or just have a weak stomach in general, stop reading now. I warned you.

So I woke up this morning thinking goodbye 2009, 2010 has got to be better. This is what I got right out of the gate. For those of you that don't know, there is a new puppy in the house. Scooter. Half Chihuahua, half Miniature Dachshund. A Chi-Weiner if you will. Funny ass little dog. (The ass part of that last statement will make much more sense in a minute.) The dog sleeps in my bed, under the covers, way down by my feet. She had gotten in and out of bed a couple of times during the night to go potty....she uses a full laundry basket as her "stairs". Didn't think twice about it until I went to pet her and realized that the blanket that she had been dismantling for the past few days was now hanging partially out of her ass. Apparently string had been a regular part of her diet and passes right through a small dog. Well, not right through unfortunately. The lovely brown string had been dragged across the laundry in the basket, across the hand stitched quilt that was a gift from my aunt and down inside the sheets. All while I was asleep. And then to add to my lovely morning gift, I had to finish/help the string find the rest of its way out of my dogs ass. So much for 2010 being my year.