Well...let me tell you. Apparently toilets are a really big deal everywhere except here in America. Maybe that's why everyone all over the world thinks Americans are uncouth. So here I am, looking through a magazine and I see an add for a "Washlet". According to the ad, this thing does everything but powder your ass when you're "done".
The ad read something like this, "...the Washlet is a toilet seat that fits virtually any standard toilet...clean water and amazing technology to clean and pamper you like never before...heated seat, and when you finish your business just reach for the remote control. Select the area you want to wash.......and a small wand extends from underneath the seat." That's the first problem right there. I can for sure say that I do not want anything extending itself from underneath my toilet seat. What if it malfunctions and I get a colonoscopy? And believe me, if anybody's "Washlet" was going to malfunction, it would be mine. The ad goes on to say that you will be..."cleaned with a gentle stream of aerated water. Precisely. Comfortably. Completely. Push another button and warm air drys you."
The ad read something like this, "...the Washlet is a toilet seat that fits virtually any standard toilet...clean water and amazing technology to clean and pamper you like never before...heated seat, and when you finish your business just reach for the remote control. Select the area you want to wash.......and a small wand extends from underneath the seat." That's the first problem right there. I can for sure say that I do not want anything extending itself from underneath my toilet seat. What if it malfunctions and I get a colonoscopy? And believe me, if anybody's "Washlet" was going to malfunction, it would be mine. The ad goes on to say that you will be..."cleaned with a gentle stream of aerated water. Precisely. Comfortably. Completely. Push another button and warm air drys you."
Ok. I have a few questions for these Washlet people. What happens when the remote control migrates to the space between my couch cushions? A perfectly legitimate question since that's where all of the remote controls in my house end up. And now for the real question. I could see this particular item as useful if say we were dealing with Taco Bell issues. Or morning after drinking issues. "Pandareha" as I also recently heard it referred to. But what about the times when it takes aproximately 1/2 a roll of toilet paper to clean your ass? You know, the day after you ate a huge steak. And your ass still isn't clean. (And don't pretend it's never happened to you, it's happened to everybody.) What then? If it's going to leave skid marks in the bowl after you flush you can bet your ass (pun intended) that no "gentle stream of aerated water" is going to get the job done. What then?
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